Saturday, November 16, 2019

Slaughterhouse Phibes

The Abominable Doctor Phibes has become unstuck in time. He finds himself repeatedly reliving the revenge murders of the doctors he blames for the death of his beloved wife, Victoria, as well as the happy times before the operation that resulted in Victoria's death and the subsequent automobile accident that horribly disfigured Phibes.

More disturbing, with increasing frequency he is experiencing a strange future where he is an inmate in an alien zoo, observed by beings he can't see but knows are there. Worse, his beloved wife Victoria, miraculously revived, is imprisoned in a glass-enclosed cage adjacent to his own, so near and yet forever apart. Dr. Phibes' supreme intellect focusses on escaping his alien prison and wreaking vengeance on the invisible aliens who have so vilely tortured him.

And then a new inmate appears in the zoo.

His name is Billy Pilgrim.

Don't miss the wacky buddy sequel, Billy Pilgrim and the Abominable Doctor Phibes. Coming soon to a screen near you.

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

My Amazon Review of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Ten years ago I wrote on Amazon a glowing review of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith, the original unexpurgated version of the book falsely pawned off on the world as Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen. We may never know what caused the falling out between Austen and Grahame-Smith that caused her to rip the zombies and Grahame-Smith from the book but at last the true full version was released. This is my take on it (with helpful links added):

Not having read the bowdlerized version of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (P+P+Z), sans zombies, I cannot comment on how well it compares to the unexpurgated version just released by Quirk Books. The zombie parts are so cunningly interwoven in the story that it is difficult to conceive it holding together without them. P+P+Z without zombies would be like Frankenstein without body parts.

I always felt Ms. Austen's decision to publish a version of P+P+Z minus zombies perplexing. True, press reports at the time were rife with speculation as to the cause of the falling out between her and coauthor Mr. Grahame-Smith. Nevertheless, the wholesale hacking up of P+P+Z into P+P+Z-Z makes no sense (at least to my sensibilities).

In any case, the complete work is now available to us, and what a piece of work it is! Set firmly in the British countryside during the trials of the First Zombie Uprising in the early 19th century, P+P+Z is a fine example of the English stiff upper lip during adversity. It is the story of the daughters Bennett, all trained in the fine art of zombie killing, with some ninja work thrown in to keep it interesting. In spite of frequent and unexpected intrusions of ravenous zombies ("unmentionables"), the girls simply will not be distracted from their daily routines of attending and planning balls while also plotting to capture husbands. The novel contains everything a reader could want. Action sequences are accomplished with the skill and humor of a Spielberg - Elizabeth's solution to the problem of dispatching a band of zombies feasting on the hapless driver of a wagon load of whale oil (without dirtying skirts) reminds the reader of Indiana Jones' practical handling of a swordsman in Raiders of the Lost Ark. The repartee between the characters is carried off with Howard Hawks-like aplomb - after dinner conversations throughout the book could have just as easily occurred in the newsroom in His Girl Friday. The quality of the writing in P+P+Z is so consistently high that it is difficult for this reviewer to distinguish Mr. Grahame-Smith's contributions from those of Ms. Austen. It is regrettable that she chose to sever their professional relationship before it had really got off the ground.

I compare the accomplishments of P+P+Z to great moments in movies for a reason. This novel needs to be filmed, preferably by Martin Scorsese. Barring that, I recently learned that Mr. Grahame-Smith has received a solo contract for two more novels with Grand Central Press. I look forward with eager anticipation to the first title of the two, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

What is this insect? UPDATE - ANSWERED Ladybug Larva

 I just saw this little guy (about 8 mm long) on the front porch railing. What is it?

I didn't move while I was looking at it (other than to kind of hump up and down).

UPDATE 7/13/2019: The Tweeters have answered!

So there you have it. It's a ladybug larva.

Monday, June 3, 2019

"Measure twice, cut once..."

I can't make this shit up.

A couple of weeks ago we had a termite inspection, but this has nothing to do with termites.

It seems the inspector was a refugee from a Three Stooges sketch.

Somehow he managed to jam his ladder into the attic scuttle hatch and door. He had to cut the hatch door to retrieve his ladder. There was no way I was going to help him fix it ("you break it, you bought it..."). So he came the next day to replace it. As any good Stooge would.

When he arrived the next day with a "standard" scuttle hatch door purchased from Lowe's, I could tell from looking that it wasn't even close to the right size. So now he measures the hatch door (and I saw him write it down) and back to Lowe's he goes.

I guess he returned the hatch, bought some drywall, and had it cut to his measurements.

Before I realized he was back, he had a plastic drop cloth on the driveway and was spray painting the new hatch. I went out and commented that it might've been a good idea to test fit the new cover before painting it. His response:
"Measure twice, cut once."
Uh huh.

While he was spray painting I noticed he was holding the can about four inches from the board, so the result was pretty streaky. I told him if he held the can more than twelve inches away it would cover more evenly. When he did that he marvelled at how much better it worked that way.

Uh huh.

Brick, meet dumb as a.

Since he couldn't wait for the paint to dry he stored the hatch door in our garage and left.

And now we get to the third day when he returned to put the hatch door in place.

It didn't fit. Again.

Another trip to Lowe's (I guess) and finally the hatch door fits.



Friday, March 15, 2019

Can Kids These Days Do Arithmetic?

Calculator clipart via Magical Educator
Can kids these days do basic math? Granted the anecdote I'm about to tell happened about 25 years ago but have things gotten any better?

Sometime in the early 1990s I went to a local drug store (Eckerd, RIP) to purchase stuff. One item I picked up was marked "3 for $2". Once I had finished I shopping I went to check out.

This store didn't have bar code scanners (it was a long time ago) so the cashier, early 20s or late teens, had to ring up each item by hand. When he got to the item in question he looked at the price tag and mumbled, "Three for $2? Hmm."

He looked around to see if he'd missed the other two. He hadn't. Then he looked at me and asked, "You getting just one of these?"

"Yes," I said. He looked confused. "That's about 66 cents," I offered, helpfully (Hey, I truncated. Sue me).

He picked up a calculator and punched buttons. The he looked up at me and said with a smirk, "67 cents."

Here was a presumably high school educated (maybe a senior in high school) person who could divide 2 by 3 in his head. And apparently decimals, rounding down, and rounding up were alien concepts also.

So what about today? Are kids these days any better at arithmetic?

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

RIP, My Jeep Travel Bug

The last pic of My Jeep Travel Bug
After nearly nine years of faithful service, I am going to retire My Jeep Travel Bug. If you want to virtually "discover" it the travel bug info is in in the second picture here.
All you need to know to "discover" My Jeep Tavel Bug.


But never fear! My NEW Jeep Travel Bug will be coming soon!

Link to log My Jeep Travel Bug: https://www.geocaching.com/track/details.aspx?id=3038236
My NEW Jeep Travel Bug